Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
