Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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