I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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