There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."