My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
