I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice