Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it