Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby