I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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