and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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