she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
