Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
