With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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