What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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