Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
