Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
