i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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