Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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