too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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