I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
