I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
