just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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