I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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