yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
