Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
