So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
