I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
