Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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