Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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