hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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