My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
