I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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