Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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