I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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