So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
