my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
