just tell him i said nine months
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
