You made me cry and you don't even care
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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