3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
PANTIES FOUND
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
