It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize