Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
