thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
