What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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