There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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