You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
