You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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