i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
