that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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