Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
FUCK WHALES
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
