went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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