I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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