Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
