Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
