Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
