she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
