And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
