Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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