And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
