I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize