1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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