After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
