it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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