I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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