remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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