I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
