Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
