Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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