Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
