a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
