You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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