You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
