I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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