we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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