I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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