Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
