thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
