census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
