Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
