If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
