His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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